Hey guys, gals, and everyone else!
You may remember my 10 things to do in Arizona post from awhile back, well I thought I’d do a sort of follow up post. I’ve lived in Phoenix, or parts of it, for my entire life-and it’s a different world I tell you. A world of extremes, but it’s pretty great none the less. So I would say set aside your ideas of cowboys in the wild west….but that’s kind of true. Keep reading for the top five things I would tell people before they move here.
||Maybe NSFW if your company is stuffy!||
1.Everything will try and kill you at least once
You’re probably reading this and chuckling…but it’s true. The sun will try and kill you, the plants will try, the wildlife will try, the people will try, the air will try…..It just kind of happens. And native Phoenicians…really don’t give a
fuck. Supposedly home to the ‘friendliest airport in the nation’, people in PHX aren’t always sporting smiles. I’ve decided it’s because something will try to hurt you during the day.You adapt…or you die.
My boyfriend (a Texan) likes to call Arizona a ‘freedom state’ because basically…if you don’t take our guns..we’re okay with whatever.
2. Music sometimes avoids us..because of politics
To say that SB1070 was a hot topic is a bit of an understatement. This topic was such an issue that many bands and other attractions started boycotting the entire state of Arizona. It’s cooled down a bit now, but if you’re favorite singer is snubbing AZ, that’s probably why.
3. Real Mexican food looks like it came out of the wrong end of a dog.
Now, we’ve all ended up at the Bell of Tacos at 3AM, that doesn’t make it real Mexican food-or a good idea. Here’s how you tell good Mexican food…the smaller the location it’s being made at- the better. IE. Food trucks and hole in the wall restaurants are good…big chains are bad. Also, it’s gunna be messy and mushy and just kinda meh looking…but it’ll taste amazing. And if you’re in Phoenix..go ahead and ask any native about the branch of “Fredricos vs Fedricos vs Other-icos” in the valley. We all have our version of the story for why there are so many similarly named fast food places.
4. Driving is a necessary disaster
If you learn one thing from this…don’t drive when there’s a lot of water on the road. You will get stuck. You will end up on the news. We will laugh at you. And you will pay a big sum based on the ‘Stupid Drive Law’. Yes Really.
But other than that…Phoenix is pretty easy to navigate. The roads are set on a grid system, except for a couple. The city is shaped kind of like a Lima Bean, and a couple freeways are circles…so make sure you ask which one someone is directing you to. BUT there are a couple streets that can mess you up. IE-Dunlap and Olive are the same road. Thunderbird turns into Cactus..but Cactus doesn’t turn into Thunderbird. You’ll get the hang of it…I believe in you.
5. You will be invited to one of these things within the first three months of living here.
-Hike Camelback Mountain
We all love to hike, I’m not sure why. Maybe we’re sacrificing ourselves to the sun god so that he might not boil us all in our sleep. Who knows.
-Go to a Coyotes Game
Some years are good, most are bad-but the fights are good. Say yes to this one and pregame at Westgate bars beforehand.
-Go Tubing on the Salt River
I have yet to find ANYONE who had a boring time on the river. That being said…you will get a sunburn, be surrounded by a ton of drunk people, you will bruise/sprain/otherwise hurt yourself. Pro-Tip: Get out about 50 yards before you see everyone else doing it…it will make it a lot easier to walk out instead of being flipped off your tube into a bank of tiny rocks.
-Go on a day trip to Sedona/Flagstaff
We must periodically escape the oven in search of greenery. Sedona is amazingly pretty, and has an awesome ‘cheaters’ fishing spot. Look up Sedona Trout Farm. Flagstaff is full of granola-munchers…but they’re all pretty harmless. Take a hike through the lava tubes (not recommended if you’re over 6 foot) and then stop at the candy apple store downtown.
-Go for a drink in Old Towne Scottsdale
Somehow we’ve all been invited to go here. I’m not sure what the attraction is. It’s basically where cougars and people who’ve admitted they’re too old for Mill collide. Beware shiny cars and crying blondes.
+6. We have 30 minute weather.
You’re probably like..Mar what is 30 minute weather? Well basically…if it’s not 110 and sunny, whatever weather you’re experiencing will be done in a half hour. It’s basically like a college guy…in quick, out quick, and usually disappointing. If it’s not, it will most likely be titled ‘Storm of the Decade’ and end up on the news. (Even if it wasn’t that impressive). Some people claim we have no real weather..we do! We have tornados, earthquakes, and floods….they’re just a lot smaller than yours. So just sit tight, and don’t drive (see #1 and #4 as to why).
Do any of you live in Phoenix? Let me know down below if I missed anything!
Stay Sunny ❤